Thought of the day {what a crappy one}: Better squeeze one in for November....

While I lie here in my black hole,

Flipping through all of my doodles

And the half-hearted stanzas.

Pretending that whatever

Spews from my fingertips

Will widen a few eyes.

But it's the moments

And days like these

Always reminding me

Just how lackluster these words

Have sounded and just how much

They'll never be wholly mine

Because when every time I read

These words, I realize that now

They start to sound much more...like his

Listening to:

"{This is the End...} I lose myself in anguish, for tonight....help me get over.....

(Tonight {you're everything} You are.... {You're everything} Everything......)

A beautiful last goodbye...." - Alesana

Terra

It’s scarier feeling like I’m drowning,

And knowing I won’t die,

But i'll just keep drowning.

Yet I feel like if I don’t save myself,

Somehow,

I will never pull up in time to live.

Comparing ourselves to a fictional romance

We assume the characters with the most chaos

As we are with the most chaos

It was never until now

That I realized how true it turned out to be.

How we met, linked with the same fictional interest

You made me laugh,

I trusted you.

I thought you betrayed me

And, like the heroine of our story,

I ran away.

Right into the arms of another

Weakened, I accepted his proposals

And like the heroine,

I came back to you

And proceeded to betray you

Again and again and again

Like I was under another’s control,

I tried to destroy you

I was torn apart.

I attacked him,

I freed myself.

But you were still bound by your love for me

So I killed myself to save you.

But I was still alive

Somehow.

And you found out

And you came to find me, to "resurrect" us

But to your dismay,

I was “normal”

But unlike our heroine,

I will never forget.

Even if things change…

And boy, things changed.

I wonder if the average prostitute gets fucked over this much?

, as always

How do I feed your hungry soul? Or satisfy your longing heart? Needless to say, I don't know.

Right now, how should I feel? Dragging from the depths what I believed to be buried and "done."

When you left, I had no regrets. I was very careful to never have one...was it for the sake that I could say I didn't? Well, it doesn't matter, now that you picked your footsteps back up, back through the doorway. Spilling your blood and guts out of your mouth, out for display, displayed for me. It's touching, I promise. Even if it wasn't for me, even if it was just so you could hear the word "love."

This is not a poem or any form of intended lyrical genius. It's simply something from me to you. Because we both know how badly I converse through anything but writing, really. I suppose the critical side of me is arguing that I shouldn't have to struggle to have you understand me, that even my unsuccessful attempts to get my point across should be understandable to you...but I digress....

You have returned and taken back your goodbye, and I have a near irrevocable cavity making cracks in my heart and you know I can no longer say "I have no regrets." So forgive me, my perpetual "romeo", a glutton for punishment...just as I am.

What am I failing to see? Why is any sense of foresight I may have possessed feel the need to jump out the window? I don't....know how to successfully revive the emotions that I buried (of course) when i heard "i'm done." Yeah, I know; whatever.

Goodbye

This is what i wanted all along
Yet i sat up all night crying.

Tears filled with mascara and spider webs.

Romeo, oh Romeo.
I didn't think it would end with you hurting
or thinking me so petty.
But the end result is what i was looking for.
That letter i wrote you was true
And with your intellect i am surprised that you did not catch on.
You are such a different person....a natural or whatever.
I never know what i want for a long period of time
and it's in my nature to run away.
I'm trying to fight that
but.....
You said that we will never be good together.
How could you see that just now?
We may have "clicked" once, but it hasn't been a match for a while now.
"Star-crossed" lovers for life
Never again to return to that place.
I apologise for the roundabout manner in which i conducted my feelings
But i am positive if i hadn't you woudn't have dropped this.
Understand i was not trying to banish you from my life.
But me from yours
You deserve to be happy
I was never a guarantee.
So you need to live a life free of me.
And now you can.
Thank you so much for the ("wrought-iron") wake-up calls that would slap me in the face so beautifully.
Thank you for bringing me back to life.
So in return, i need and needed to free you from me.
Forgive me for being so utterly ridiculous
But i needed to set you free.
Keep that CD
Learn how to steer a shopping cart
Live your life and suck every inch of beauty from it.
Remember when you are searching for a love,
that your words are more persuasive than any dime-a-dozen jock.
I will remember everything i stand for
and we will change the world the way we do.
One person and one thing at a time.

Farewell Romeo.
This clock will never seem so alive.

Hello, World.